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Danny Rooney here. Manchester United is the team my fake fifth cousin Wayne plays for, and therefore I despise everything about Liverpool FC (except Steve McManaman…great name). Not just for footballing reasons though, although who wouldn’t prefer America’s team (Everton FC), just a 5 minute walk away from Anfield. Everton is the home of Tim Howard, Marcus Hahnemann, Landycakes (Landon Donovan), and possibly Edson Buddle. Still, it’s not quite FulhAmerica of a few years ago. Also, I’ve always been more of a Rolling Stones fan than a Beatles fan. The reason I mention Liverpool FC is because they have been dropped by Adidas (ha, ha!) (the manufacturer of their jerseys), and picked up by Michigan-based Warrior Sports.
Now that I am within shouting distance of the jersey manufacturer for a European soccer club, today seemed like a good day to take a look at some of the best sports apparel that has graced the patent office.
1) Combination jacket and sports jersey – US 2004/0163155 A1
This jacket/jersey combo is a perfect gift for a friend, especially if that friend is 6’8” with bushy hair and is essentially a shut-in, who got his other jacket stolen by a homeless person. Or, if they’re just a big Denard Robinson fan. Either way.
2) Decorative propane tank assembly – US 2011/0210130 A1
With all of the new helmets that are being made to help better prevent concussions, something will need to be done with all the old helmets. Why not help make that propane tank go from ugly to awesome? Your grill will thank you.
3) Collectible display device – US 2002/0011502 A1
For the fan that already has everything, a jersey display device.
4) Tear way athletic jersey – US 2010/0192276 A1
For the fan who can’t decide who to root for because they don’t know anything about sports. This person typically wins your office March Madness pool.
5) Novelty sports cap – US 2007/0130670 A1
Nothing says true fandom like a part of your favorite player’s face on a baseball cap. Not at all creepy.
Next time: Danny goes to Warrior Sports HQ and asks the actual employees if they know who Liverpool FC is. The response of “who” resonates throughout.
Find previous writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here.
This post was contributed by Registered Patent Agent Dan Wolka and edited by Chris Jagalla. The Intellogist blog is provided for free by Intellogist’s parent company, Landon IP, a major provider of patent search, technical translation, and information services.