Cruisin’ Car Patents

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Summer is ending. The time to kick back, drink caipirinhas and listen to Will Smith is almost over. In my hometown of Detroit, we have a tradition of ending the summer by driving classic cars up and down a famous street, cranking some Whitesnake, and drinking some brews. It’s called the Woodward Dream Cruise and anyone with a working car that was cool at some point in the last 100 years will be there.

Since patent lists have become my wig, glasses, and catchphrase, I present to you some nifty car patents for pimping your ride. Andy Millman would be so proud.

US 7,086,224 – Rotating motor vehicle tail pipe

Rotating motor vehicle tail pipe

Described in the Specification as an "eye-catching safety feature," whatever that means.

The muffler is one of the easiest ways to add class and style to your vehicle. The rotating six-shooter adds a touch of the old West along with a whole lot of noise. Add it to the side of your lime green Ford Fiesta for a Last Starfighter-type machine gun turret.

Exhaust Pipes

I wonder if you can convert that top cannon to shoot t-shirts into excitable crowds?

US 1,378,840 – Exhaust Whistle for Motor Vehicles

Whistle tip

That's only in the mornin'. You should be up cookin' breakfast.

If you want to alter the muffler, but don’t want to be so ostentatious, try out this classic from the 1920s. The whistle on the muffler puts out some smooth jazz tones to perk up your morning and put a hop into your step. It’s like Kenny G is sitting next to you on the way to work. Bubb Rubb would be proud…whoo, whoo!

US 2009/0064219 – …Providing Unobtrusive Video Advertising Content


There's nothing wrong with a faceless man enjoying a ginger ale.

As anyone knows, drinking and driving is bad. Seriously, don’t do it. However, watching people drink is perfectly ok. So why not install an entertainment system into the back of your classic car, giving your passengers uninterrupted access to all the advertising they could wish for. More John Madden please.

US 5,662,379 – Shielded child seat and method

Baby seat

Baby on Board!

The sun is shining, the air is warm, and your classic car is calling your name. Only, you have a little tyke to take care of. Why not add this bubble seat? Now you can enjoy your Sunday drive without the neighbors calling Child Protective Services. Feel free to add side vents for all-natural air ventilation on those scorching hot days.

Baby seat 2

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

US 2,038,843 – Three Wheeled Automobile

Three wheeled car

It's like a reverse Reliant Robin.

For those of use who think four wheels are unnecessary, there is the three wheeled car. Stability and handling, who needs that? The perfect segue way into motorcycles, the three wheeled car comes in death trap black or blood stained red.

US 2,241,577 – Flying Automobile

Flying car

It's a's a's...ugly as sin.

So you’re slowly grinding through the traffic of the Dream Cruise. You aren’t going fast enough for your muffler to whistle and people are laughing at your lack of a fourth wheel. Good thing you were prepared and added a propeller to your car. Now you can fly away faster than someone on the Jersey Shore can take their shirt off.

Next time: Danny admits that there is really only one car for him. Well, maybe two.

Find previous writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11.

Patent Information from Landon IP

This post was contributed by Registered Patent Agent Dan Wolka and edited by Chris Jagalla. The Intellogist blog is provided for free by Intellogist’s parent company, Landon IP, a major provider of patent search, technical translation, and information services.


10 Responses

  1. And for any of you with more than one child – if only this were available: US6260903 Portable Automobile Partition

  2. […] Next time: Danny realized he didn’t have any fun, so he goes back in time to add a bunch of links, just for the heck of it, click here, here, and here. Sorry Rebecca Black, you make it so easy. If you like my fifth cousin Wayne’s work (or how I learned to love what Cesc Fabregas has done to Arsenal), click here and here . Find previous writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12. […]

  3. […] Find previous writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12. […]

  4. […] and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, […]

  5. […] and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, […]

  6. […] and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, #15, […]

  7. Thanks Caroline!

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