5 Inventions Required to be a Future Gentleman

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With so many disappointing and disconcerting things going on, from the USA choking away the Women’s World Cup final (although a heavy congratulations to Japan is in order), to the politicians preoccupied with taking part in the debt ceiling discussions, to Rebecca Black’s strange new video, there should be plenty to complain about. However, playing soccer outside in this heat wave has taught me something; only think about complaining if the temperature is less than 100 °F (38 °C) outside. Therefore, I have decided to turn over a new leaf and only complain when appropriate. My motto has become “Entertain, not Complain (except where appropriate). I Guarantee to be Funny (not a guarantee).” So in that spirit, I want to look to the future and expand upon my last post. This week I plan on discussing some unique patents that I think will be required by the gentleman of the future (think 20-30 years from now).

US D388664 – Spork

Spork

I said spork, not Spock.

If the media has taught me anything (and it hasn’t), it is that we will all be so busy working and watching, and then texting, tweeting, iPad-ing, and Liking what we are working and watching, that we will have even less time to eat our food. Therefore I predict the common spork will make a renaissance among men, becoming the go-to utensil to solve all of our food shoveling needs.

US 5607077 – Food, beverage and accessories plate

Accessories plate

Convenience!

This multi-purpose plate (also know as the FǑBAP), available in cream, eggshell, isabelline, and magnolia, skillfully combines all essential kitchenware items, and even includes a holder for your spork. As a gentleman of the future, you do need some sort of refinement.

US D193101 – Robot Suit

The Robot

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Remember in 1983 when doing the robot was cool? Well it’s back, thanks to Sir Peter Crouch, whose tireless work with Lady Gaga as part of The Robot Dancing Foundation, has made it the top dance of the future. Just remember, in the future, the robot is performed in a robot suit.

US 2008/0096737 A1 – Total Body Exercise Device

Workout device

Lift with your knees, not your back.

Will Chuck Norris be alive in the future? Of course he will. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death; he wins fair and square. I’m sure the inventor of the Total Body Exercise device was inspired by the man who brought you the Total Gym and the Martial Arts Battle Royale Ring. As a man of the future, you better be working out, otherwise Chuck Norris will find you and this will happen.

US 752033 – Towel

A Towel

Hey! It's a towel!

It’s the future, so don’t forget to bring a towel.

Next time: Danny finds out from his female colleagues what devices the future woman will need.

Find previous writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9.

Patent Information from Landon IP

This post was contributed by Registered Patent Agent Dan Wolka and edited by Chris Jagalla. The Intellogist blog is provided for free by Intellogist’s parent company, Landon IP, a major provider of patent search, technical translation, and information services.

8 Responses

  1. […] votes are in and here’s what you all thought of my last column. Fortunately, the weapon was only a pie, and not a jagged spork. Luckily, someone in this family is […]

  2. […] a good number of interesting patent documents: from the odd to the godly, for both ladies and gentlemen.  But let’s search outside our own borders and venture into exotic locales to hunt for the […]

  3. […] writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, […]

  4. […] writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, […]

  5. […] writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, […]

  6. […] writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, […]

  7. […] writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, […]

  8. […] writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, #15, […]

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