As fall moves into full swing in some parts of world, trees change from their summer color of green to another shade, typically somewhere between yellow and red. In the Rocky Mountain area, thanks to the forest ravaging pine beetle (or, I suppose, the pine conquering beetle if you are a beetle supporter) and the warmer temperatures, the Aspen tree has started to take over the dead sections that once held pine trees. As the Aspens turn yellow, it makes for an interesting contrast of green and yellow. The Northeast area of the USA, where trees often have the widest range of color changes, has a correspondingly high concentration of mythical creatures, also known as Leafers. These creatures leave their homes in the gray-hued city and head for the country side in search of colors, like a kid in Willy Wonka’s factory searches for different varieties of candy.
As these leaves fall to the ground in mass quantities, kids everywhere are forming piles of leaves specifically to jump into for the purpose foreign to most working adults, known as “fun.” As the job of adults is to stop or discourage “fun,” a whole industry has been created to collect and remove these leaves. These are some of the best and brightest of the bunch.
1) Backpack blower – US 5,813,088 A
The backpack blower is perhaps the perfect weapon against leaves. Not only can it quickly blow them off your lawn and driveway, but it can blow them onto your neighbor’s lawn and driveway for them to remove, all the while waking up the neighborhood at 8AM in the morning on a Saturday. Now you can send a message to that pesky neighbor who keeps inviting your family to brunch each week.
2) Leaf rake – US 5,142,855 A
This rake improves the efficiency of the leaf raking that you make your 6-year-old child perform while you stay inside having a cup of spiced cider and watching re-runs of The Office on Netflix. Its awkward design tires your child out quicker, preventing them from having enough energy to even take a swan dive into the leaf pile.
3) Collapsible leaf rake – US 5,720,159 A
Now you can teach your child the valuable lesson of hard manual labor, even on vacation, with the collapsible leaf rake. Campsite not tidy enough? Have Junior sweep it up while you go fishing.
4) Leaf deflecting cover device for a rain gutter – US 5,459,965 A
If you don’t have a child to clean out those gutters in the cold, rainy November weather, then this system if perfect for you.
5) Safety Mower and Leaf Harvester-Mulcher – US 3,706,189 A
Perhaps the ultimate leaf destroying machine. It slices and dices those pesky leaves into a mulch that would please even the pickiest earthworm. It comes with a lifetime warranty and 20% off your hospital deductible when you inevitably cross its razor-sharp blades.
Next time: Danny jumps into a pile of leaves, only to be impaled by the branches that were secretly placed on the bottom of the pile.
Find previous writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here.
This post was contributed by Registered Patent Agent Dan Wolka and edited by Chris Jagalla. The Intellogist blog is provided for free by Intellogist’s parent company, Landon IP, a major provider of patent search, technical translation, and information services.