Please note, this post contains adult content (aka references to beer, the natural companion to grilling). If you are under 21 and reading this, you must really want to be a patent lawyer and thanks for coming, but sorry, no beer for you. If you are of legal drinking age, please drink responsibly.
Not to be used as a fly swatter.
While some grillers might beg to differ, it’s probably a good idea to clean your grill after each use. I know that pork fat from your beer brats are dying to add flavor to those burgers you are about to put on, but after a week or two, that fat becomes rancid. Unless you are practicing for an audition with a punk band, just use this scraper to clean everything up.
2) Apparatus for cooking chickens, geese, ducks, turkeys, birds or other fowl
Don’t mess with Texas.
A modified take on the beer can chicken, this device lets you forgo the swill that passes for beer (cough – Bud Light, I’m looking at you), and lets you use beer from a bottle like a classy adult (sorry, I am a beer snob). If you are a hipster that thinks PBR is cool, then I just don’t know what to tell you other than to make sure you don’t spill it over your vest, hat, beard, unnecessary black-rimmed glasses, or other accessories that make you exactly like every other hipster. Feel free to send me an Instagram photo of your outrage at this.
Just don’t let your children poke the grill until it cries.
As we all know, kids need to start learning at a young age so they can get into a good school and get a good job so they can pay of their crippling student loans assuming they graduated with a degree that has some utility in the world (sure French poetry is useful at the age of 19, but at 30, not so much). If you can’t afford to put your pre-kindergarten child into Montessori, the least you can do is prepare him or her for the college ritual of tailgating at college sports events (assuming they still exist in 15-20 years) with this handy toy grill.
Doubles as a stylish briefcase.
Speaking of college tailgating, this portable grill would make a great gift to any high school graduate. It is practical, affordable, and appreciated by any student who has been mooching off their patents for 18 years, assuming you, as the gift giver, can get over any pretense that said student will actually be studying their first year. If you have been to college, you know what I mean.
Grillers, eat your heart out.
We all know George Foreman, not as a champion boxer or the guy who named all of his kids George, but as the guy who sold millions of cheaply made grills to a health conscious public. Well, if you are grilling up a storm and don’t like the rich taste of flaking Teflon coating as your grill starts to fall apart, try using these liners, and turn your cooking experience from flab to fun!
Next time: Cynical Danny is glad to be back. In regards to grilling, while Danny loves the added taste of charcoal, he endorses propane and propane accessories for their ease of use and easier cleanup. He also uses it in a flame-thrower to hold back the inevitable hipster backlash.
Find previous writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here.
This post was contributed by Registered Patent Agent Dan Wolka and edited by Joelle Mornini. The Intellogist blog is provided for free by Intellogist’s parent company, Landon IP, a major provider of patent search, technical translation, and information services.
Filed under: Items of Interest Tagged: | Danny Rooney, funny, funny patents, Grilling
It is too bad that I missed this post in May. So, for a September Friday smile instead, please take a look at US des. pat. D402,503, issued to Lawrence Sanchez; Barbeque grill with tire tread pattern. You are now able to serve barbequed faux road-kill. Bon appetit!
Looks appetizing!