Taking a dive into patents (for fun)

A strange string of events got me thinking about this week’s topic, diving. First, James Cameron became the first solo submersible diver to make it to the bottom of the Mariana Trench, the deepest point on Earth, beating out Graham Hawkes, a famous submersible designer using Richard Branson’s billions, who I recently read about in an article in Men’s Journal. Word is that Cameron was shooting film for his next movie, Avatar 2: The Abyss, as he follows the Hollywood tradition of recycling as much material as possible (cough, Titanic 3D, cough), thereby avoiding having to come up with an original thought.

Secondly, I stumbled upon the 80s classic, Back to School, starring Rodney Dangerfield, a drugged out Robert Downey, Jr., Billy ‘Johnny Lawrence of the Cobra Kai’ Zabka, that lady from Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Burt ‘Adrian’s brother from Rocky’ Young, Sam Kinison, character actors M. Emmet Walsh and Ned ‘I was in every movie in the 70s and 80s’ Beatty, a random British actor, and some guy that looks like Squeak from BASEketball, that just happens to include a famous diving scene where Dangerfield’s stunt double performs the deadly, and hilarious, Triple Lindy.

Finally, Chelsea played Barcelona, where the greatest divers in the world, Didier Drogba and the tandem of Sergio Busquets and Dani Alves squared off to see who could best impersonate being hit by a long-range sniper (I’ll pretend my fake, fifth cousin Wayne’s teammate, Ashley Young, doesn’t exist).

Fate provided a topic, so let’s dive right in to some fun diving patents.

1) PERSONAL UNDERWATER VEHICLE

We all live in a yellow submarine. And by we, I mean me, because that's all the room there is.

This submersible is similar in shape to the Cameron’s submersible, without the millions of dollars spent designing it. Get more than one, and you can play The Hunt for Red October game of chicken with your friends. Right full rudder, reverse starboard engine!

2) Underwater matching game

Don't try this at home in a pool filled with anything but water.

You know those small pools that that don’t allow diving? Well do it anyway, so you can play this awesome kids game.

3) Diving suit

This also kind of reminds me of the "Big Daddy" from the game Bioshock. Needs a drill, though.

Collect scientific samples at the bottom of the ocean, or start in a remake of Forbidden Planet. Either way, you win.

4) Swimwear with floatation members

You could probably pack a lunch in that pouch, too.

Get the benefits of floaties without the constraints. Now you’re swimming like a big boy or girl!

5) Protective swimsuit incorporating an electrical wiring system

Sometimes you have to ask yourself if you really trust technology or not.

You know how bathroom electrical outlets have ground fault interrupters to protect you from dying of electrical shock if you accidentally drop an electrical device in your bathtub? With this suit, you are making a bold statement AGAINST that particular theory of electricity. To that, I say, bravo sir, bravo!

Next week: Danny retells the tale of jumping off the 10 m diving board at the local pool. It involves a lot of pain, swears, and a trip to the emergency room. It looked a lot like this.

Find previous writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here.

This post was contributed by Registered Patent Agent Dan Wolka and edited by Chris Jagalla. The Intellogist blog is provided for free by Intellogist’s parent company, Landon IP, a major provider of patent search, technical translation, and information services.