Today marks the start of America’s biggest productivity drain, March Madness, the annual college basketball tournament that pits juggernauts against minnows, moves outsiders into NBA Draft territory, and creates lasting memories that are later taken away (causing some fans to be shut-ins). So many people will skip work, call in sick, or watch the games on their work computers, that Yahoo is giving tips on how to maintain productivity during the tournament. Conversely, CNBC and the Huffington Post are suggesting productivity is actually improved by watching the tournament. While the tournament stirs up collegiate loyalties well beyond the school you actually went to or are in any way affiliated with, none is more prevalent than the simple act of bonding over a mutual dislike of Duke Basketball. Whether it’s due to the sheer amount of money the program makes, the recruiting advantages they sneakily obtain, or the myriad of other things they do that grind the gears of anyone outside of Durham, NC… Duke and Coach K are sure to stir up the passions of the fans. However, I realize that supporting my fake fifth cousin Wayne’s team is much like being a Duke fan, so ignore everything I just said–love ya Duke fans!
1) Shot spotter – US 3,670,417 A
“Zips with no timeouts…here comes the All American…Clovis, six…FIRES….Gooot it ohhhhh!!!!! Ohhhh!!! UN-BELIEVE-ABLE!!!!! What a game! Larry Bird, maybe. Whoa.”
2) Break-away basketball goal system – US 7,290,744 A
“Loose ball. Picks it up. Finds Shaw…..Here comes the pain (and the tree)!”
3) Basketball rebounder – US 2010/0248866 A1
“Little Suzy in her basement…too cold to play outside…there’s the two-three zone…pick and roll Suzy…Suzy steps back, lets it go…PURE!”
4) Diving board basketball hoop – US 4,717,150 A
“Smith pulls the ball along the water. 8 seconds to shoot. The back stroke, the side stroke…puts the shot up…IT’S GOOD!!!”
5) 100 point NCAA basketball tournament game – US 6,092,806 A
“Judy, with her pen on the paper… Deciding between Gonzaga and West Virginia… She makes her decision… BOOM, Gonzaga!”
Next time: Danny continues to offer his support to the “Gus Johnson calls every sporting event” podcast.
Find previous writings and musings from the off-kilter Danny Rooney here.
This post was contributed by Registered Patent Agent Dan Wolka and edited by Chris Jagalla. The Intellogist blog is provided for free by Intellogist’s parent company, Landon IP, a major provider of patent search, technical translation, and information services.